Lessons on Faith, Vol. 1: Wanting to Go but Hearing "No"

Lessons on Faith, Vol 1 - MELODY ON THE MOVE

Before i had even arrived back home, I was planning my escape.

I mean, they don't call me Melody on the Move for nothing! Granted it is a moniker of my own creation, but still! I got an imagine to uphold here (lol). I was physically heading back to Florida, but my mind was full of thoughts about adventures in new countries and immersing myself in an unfamiliar culture all over again.

To understand how i got here, we have to rewind back to June 2016 in Korea.

I turned the big two-five and ended up reconnecting with my on-again, off-again boyfriend. While we were (back) together and after we broke up (again) a few months later, a part of me that craved a more permanent lifestyle was sparked. I'd daydream about having a real place to call "home" and about decorating this place in shades of white, green, and brown. I wanted to have a car again. I wanted to feel grounded - something I didn't often feel in Korea with friends constantly coming and going. These desires for permanency stayed with me until my move back to America became more real. By February 2017, the month I was set to leave Korea forever, the idea "settling down" no longer appealed to me like it once did. Instead, I had new countries to move to on my brain; specifically a place where getting around via scooter was the norm and street food was not only bomb but cheap too!

And then, one cold Korean winter day - it came to me: Chiang Mai, Thailand.

Thailand-loving, circa August 2015

A "luxury" apartment is only $400 a month, I had a friend who moved there for 6 months and loved it, the best way to get around is on a scooter (#HECKYEAH), and when I visited Thailand in 2015, I loved it. By all accounts, it was a clear match made in heaven.

March arrived and I said goodbye to Korea. As I was making my way back to Florida through India and California, I was still marinating on this idea of moving to Chiang Mai. I had only told a few friends about it, as though to protect this precious new plan but strangely enough, while the move never left my mind, I experienced wavering emotions about it. One second, I'd be so excited and gung-ho for the new adventure and the next second, I'd be overcome with anxiousness and stress - negative emotions I didn't experience when I moved to South Korea in 2015

What is a girl to do when she's conflicted about making another move across the globe? Bring it to God, of course! Throughout the month(s) of chewing on the idea of Chiang Mai, I never once heard God say "yeah, go for it". It always felt more like He was saying, "you decide" - not in a patronizing way but in a Father trusting his child enough to give them free will kind of way. So when I brought the move to Him once again and heard *crickets*, the anxious feelings of uncertainty only grew.

I had to get real with myself, zero in on my motives, and make a decision.

It was April at this point and the options were 1) go through with the move to Chiang Mai at the end of May despite my shaky feelings or 2) don't leave right away and instead wait for God's direction and timing. In my heart of hearts, deep down in my spirit, I knew what the right answer for me was. So, I sat down and made this video to share the conclusion I had came to with the 'Tube. 

And here we are. I can see now, that before I could even take in my new, yet familiar surroundings (a.k.a Florida), I was planning my escape. I so badly wanted to go but He was whispering "no". And this is a huge lesson in faith for me. The "old me" would've forced the move to happen, yielding for nothing. But the more I grow in my relationship with the Lord, the more my desires change. I want what He wants in a way I never have before. This strange, interesting, no-name-for-it-yet season is teaching me faith, obedience, patience, and trust - among other things. He is doing some work in and on me here; I can feel it in my bones everyday. And that's the best part.

I'm excited for what is to come but I'm not in a rush to get there anymore.

His timing is best, always. 

Have you ever brought a big decision to God? Did He give you a clear answer or *crickets*? Through what ways does He usually communicate with you? Drop me a comment below - I'd love to know.

Stay awesome. Stay Inspired. 

- Melody -